This has been a whirlwind week. I had such an exciting day last Wednesday in my CHMN 403 class (Professional Orientation for Women in Ministry) and it had stuck with me ever since. We are doing a major project in that class which consists of us ladies creating a research project full of information on people we want to minister to. We can choose age group and countries, pretty much anything in the realm of reaching women, and all throughout the explanation process, I could hardly contain the thoughts swirling in my mind. It was quite interesting for all the ideas to be coming out the way they were, because I had been fighting so much against anything near when I was beginning to write down. My thoughts automatically went to "New England" and "College/working age 18-30." The part I was fighting most was the New England part.
After I became a Christian and went down to school here in Virginia, I was all about the south. I fought my northern ways, refusing to associate myself with it, leaning more to my mothers southern upbringing. But slowly over the past few years, God has broken my heart for my roots. Although I don't feel right now exactly called to Connecticut, my heart has been moving upwards to Boston. There are so many colleges in one area, and it is the most beautiful and amazing city I have ever been too. So much history, knowledge, and creativity has come out of that city. I love going there, and try as often as I can to do so. During my last visit with my parents, I remember driving around the city wondering if there were any churches around. I don't ever get to stay long enough to see the city in it's prime, so I am sure there are. I also know there are people wanting to plant churches in the city, which gives me hope. I remember driving around, thinking about what it would be like to live there, meeting women and talking with them. I don't even know if that means that it is where I am supposed to be, I just felt like I pictured myself there.
Lately I have been praying for God to give me direction and discernment on this. I want to have the right motives and a clear idea so that I am being obedient, not selfish and wanting something for my own. There are so many reasons to why I could be just thinking up all of this, but at the same time there is seemingly much more out there as to why I feel lead this way.
My project ideas started out as New England as a whole. Mountains and country though, I have found aren't especially kind to me in terms of actually living somewhere. I don't think I could ever live in a place like Maine or New Hampshire, although I seriously love those places, I just don't feel lead there. I continued to be looking over the ideas I had, and I began trying to think of "titles" or main focuses for my ministry...and Boston kept coming up a lot. I even thought about Rhode Island where Bryan is, but in my mind I keep seeing the corner of Boston where Northeastern, Harvard, Boston University, and others are. What an amazing place that area is, seeing the students and all their individuality. Northeastern itself is an amazing art school, and walking near there once I just loved it.
I honestly, right now, feel very confused and unsure. My heart says yes, my mind says yes, but is God saying yes? I am need to prayer to figure this out, and also just so I can do well on this project. I am taking it so seriously, and I want to. It is so exciting to me. I bought a notebook specifically for ideas, and I prayed over my lecturetext and the notebook. I think it is exciting that I am taking it this semester, my last semester before I graduate. I feel like the culmination of my education and degree will be completed with this major project. It is truely exciting. I don't even want to get into what happened the next day, it was quite interesting and that is for another time because I am still trying to pray about that.
There is so much more on my mind concerning this, but I am at work and I can't seem to figure out how to put this all in order: my "feelings," events that have happened since that class, this mounting excitement towards it all...so there is much that I have failed to write. I hope I can formulate a better post for you who are reading...so it makes a bit more sense and it doesn't seem like it is all in my mind.
Just know that I am praying for this, and I need prayer as well. When I talk about all of this, I seem to get so excited and my heart seems to go nuts. I am not one for taking emotions and signs to mean much of anything, so I am trying so hard to decipher properly. Pray for wisdom!
Thanks!
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