I don't really remember the last time I posted on here. It has been a while since I have discovered Tumblr, but I miss the true art of a good blog. Sure, Tumblr has some perks, it is a lot easier to use, but simplicity isn't always a good thing. So, here I am again on Blogger, glad to be for an unprofessional on a more professional blog.
So, I am back in Connecticut, living at home. I just looked at the last time I posted and it was over a year ago! WHOA! So much has changed. I went back to school for the fall semester, but ended up dropping out of Seminary to come back home. Dropping out really isn't the proper term to use, more like gracefully bowing out or...listening to God when He tells me again to do something since I didn't listen the first time. Good ol' Dad. I knew in May of 2010 I wanted to come home and should have stayed home, but fear made me turn back and go back to school. God was patient with me, thankfully. It wasn't until my desires changed and when I grew up a little that I realized Lynchburg in all its loveliness was no longer my home. There was a bigger need here in New England.
Almost full circle from when I began to feel the pull to come home, and I am still not all that sure what I am doing here. I can tell you that it has been a whirl-wind of decisions and wrestling with God that has turned out to be a wonderful time if I let it be. I heard today while listening to Jon Acuff's convocation talk that when we wrestle with God it is one of the highest forms of intimacy. You cannot wrestle with someone who is distant. So for all the moments I have huffed, mumbled, and griped about this frustrating season of God-wrestlemania, I am starting to see what he is talking about.
The major struggles I have had lately have been trying to see what the past three years away at school have to do with how things are now. Did I pick the right major? Should I be looking to something different? Why do I feel like I have failed? Am I really any different than when I left to go to school? What do I make of all of this? Why didn't anyone tell me I would have to work for the rest of my life? (I don't know how I didn't really grasp this one. I mean HELLO?!) And lastly...What is God doing?
What is God doing? He's doing a lot of things that in the moment just seem like one big test of my patience. It's like making a dog do a trick for a treat. You know, the one where you put the treat on their nose and make them hold it there until you say "go!" Those moments are so frustrating, they make your stomach ache for something that you can see (or can just feel) and you have to wait to retrieve them. What's more frustrating is when you don't know what the treat is, if it exists, or if God is just putting His finger on your nose just to see if you will listen either way. Lovely.
One of the greatest blessings I have received since I got home and been churning through these questions and emotions has been the counsel and encouragement from wonderful Christians around me. I could name a few people, but I think they know who they are. They have been beacons for me to search out when I feel lost, and have been motivating to me to the nth the degree. WHAT a blessing. They probably just think they are doing what comes natural, making it even more awe-inspiring to me. Natural grace, power, meekness, and compassion can turn a normal moment together into one etched in the mind of those on the receiving end. I just had a weekend full of those moments.
Anyways, more to come on the frustrations and joys of life, now that I am back on Blogger. So many more adventures to come now with my new camera, new hiking backpack, and new ideas that I am learning to have the confidence to seek after. God is good...oh so very good.
"Our passions are the true phoenixes; when the old one is burnt out, a new one rises from its ashes. " ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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