Here is a great quote from Susanna Wesley about, in essence, our sensitivity to sin, and how to discern what sin is in our lives.
"Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of the body over the mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may seem in itself."~ Susanna Wesley
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
In Search of Classy Nobility
This summer has been quite interesting so far. Not much writing has occurred since I started my math class, that was on the forefront. But throughout, I got these spurts of creativity, that may or may not have been displayed on Facebook. I wanted to find beautiful pictures to put as my profile pictures. Things that I thought were classy, or artsy, or anything my mind thought of. There is even a precious picture of a moose that is to be a reminder to all of my favorite animal. :0)
But, today I was quite disheartened in my pursuit of photographic artistry. Google certainly failed me, and Flickr will not let me save pictures anymore. Anything I typed I was mentally pushed into the onslaught of vulgarity and perverseness that truly did not match up with the words I was typing in the search engine.
I have been going through a Bible study on the book and character of Ruth. It is probably one of the best studies I have done. I have enjoyed daily going through it and learning about the remarkable character of Ruth. It is something that increasingly lost in this society. I think any Christian woman would agree that we crave to see this type of person out there in high society, making an impact in the world. Our cravings come up short because that is not what culture deems admirable. So we continue to find ourselves reducing ourselves to trying to live up to the standards left in the wake of cultures aftermath. We pick up the pieces and wonder why our hearts burn for something more. Praise God we have Ruth as an example, in written form of what this type of woman was like. Otherwise it would be just a fable in a book of virtues, left on a shelf to be picked up by a bored little kid in a bookstore. But it is true and alive.
As I am writing this now, I thought "maybe it is our job to do it." I was caught off-guard. I am so quick to sit here and complain of the extenuated circumstances without posing any real plan of action. Forgive me for my rant, but this topic affects me deeply. And after reading this book this thorough it breaking my heart to see the tired faces of women crawling on their knees to a false perfection. God's idea of beauty and noble character is so revolutionary 2,000 years later. If we only could grasp the concept and kept our vision in pursuing such a title. We would hurt less in our singleness, our marriages, our sibling-hood, and daughterhood...if those are even words. We would strive so much less because God has called us to seek this type of lifestyle. It is a joyful journey to try to match God step-for-step in His character. But, what must we do to encourage and bring women to an understanding of this? Would campaigning be enough? Would writing books on the effort cause heads to turn? I wish it were so because I would love to write that book.
I want to understand femininity, sophistication, classy-ness, timeless beauty, and loveliness. Doesn't any girl? What does God exactly say this is? How are we to classify it without stepping on people's toes, and most importantly on God's? I think this is His territory, if we allow Him to speak truth into the hearts of women we may actually have a clearer understanding when we see it through His eyes.
Read the book of Ruth. Ruth 3:11 is probably one of my top 10 favorite passages now. I wish someday for my husband to say such a thing about me, but most importantly for God to claim that over me. A woman of noble character...what an honor!
But, today I was quite disheartened in my pursuit of photographic artistry. Google certainly failed me, and Flickr will not let me save pictures anymore. Anything I typed I was mentally pushed into the onslaught of vulgarity and perverseness that truly did not match up with the words I was typing in the search engine.
I have been going through a Bible study on the book and character of Ruth. It is probably one of the best studies I have done. I have enjoyed daily going through it and learning about the remarkable character of Ruth. It is something that increasingly lost in this society. I think any Christian woman would agree that we crave to see this type of person out there in high society, making an impact in the world. Our cravings come up short because that is not what culture deems admirable. So we continue to find ourselves reducing ourselves to trying to live up to the standards left in the wake of cultures aftermath. We pick up the pieces and wonder why our hearts burn for something more. Praise God we have Ruth as an example, in written form of what this type of woman was like. Otherwise it would be just a fable in a book of virtues, left on a shelf to be picked up by a bored little kid in a bookstore. But it is true and alive.
As I am writing this now, I thought "maybe it is our job to do it." I was caught off-guard. I am so quick to sit here and complain of the extenuated circumstances without posing any real plan of action. Forgive me for my rant, but this topic affects me deeply. And after reading this book this thorough it breaking my heart to see the tired faces of women crawling on their knees to a false perfection. God's idea of beauty and noble character is so revolutionary 2,000 years later. If we only could grasp the concept and kept our vision in pursuing such a title. We would hurt less in our singleness, our marriages, our sibling-hood, and daughterhood...if those are even words. We would strive so much less because God has called us to seek this type of lifestyle. It is a joyful journey to try to match God step-for-step in His character. But, what must we do to encourage and bring women to an understanding of this? Would campaigning be enough? Would writing books on the effort cause heads to turn? I wish it were so because I would love to write that book.
I want to understand femininity, sophistication, classy-ness, timeless beauty, and loveliness. Doesn't any girl? What does God exactly say this is? How are we to classify it without stepping on people's toes, and most importantly on God's? I think this is His territory, if we allow Him to speak truth into the hearts of women we may actually have a clearer understanding when we see it through His eyes.
Read the book of Ruth. Ruth 3:11 is probably one of my top 10 favorite passages now. I wish someday for my husband to say such a thing about me, but most importantly for God to claim that over me. A woman of noble character...what an honor!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Northern Exposure: Boston
(This is just a short reflection on what happened in Boston, there is much more!)
I had the most compelling trip I have ever been on this past Spring Break in Boston. I love the city so much, not just because of its architecture, history, and beauty. Not because of it's athletic achievement, or its cinematic accomplishments (I love seeing the City Hall that is in the Departed, or the store that had furniture and items from various films). Not because of it's academia of prestigious proportions, although the fact that Boston has most of the top schools all in one area and that is incredibly amazing). But, because it is in need of being loved on in more ways than what it is producing.
The pastor of the Charles River Church that we were helping out, Josh, said it best that Boston was a graveyard of what they call church planting in Boston. Boston is considered now by statistical standards to be an unreached people group. It is hard to be a Christian there, much less to plant churches there that will grow and thrive in a spiritually hostile area such as Boston. Knowledge gained out weighs true wisdom, and the battle is constantly raging all the time, and is increasing in its mortality on both fronts. We had this intriguing discussion with a man outside of Harvard University (Outside of The Coop). His name was Bruce, he was probably about 60 years-old or so, and he has been doing sidewalk "evangelism" since October there right outside of the university. I put evangelism in quotes, mainly because he was not evangelizing as how we have come accustomed to it here at Liberty. He was not forceful in trying to get people to engage in conversation with him. He had signs that said 'Take my Bible quiz and learn to think for yourself. Beware of Men- Jesus." He told us he would talk to whoever was intrigued enough to talk to him, sometimes for five minutes or for five hours. He talked to Jews, Atheists, Christians (of all theologies), and just wanted to pick the brains of people. He felt that God was preparing him for years in his studies for this. He didn't go to school, but had studied for so long that he was quite knowledgeable of the Bible and theology. He gave two options for the quiz: from the Tanak or the New Covenant. We were given a sample of his quiz, increasingly getting more difficult as we went on. People would come up an listen, or leave (one guy was mad and started to shout things, which I am sure Bruce is used to).
But, as we stayed there, we learned of Bruce's dissatisfaction with the church. He was struggling with finding a church that fit, mainly because he felt they weren't preaching on studying the Word or whatever else he felt they needed to be preaching. We saw his frustration with pastors and the church as a whole. It was sad because we could tell he wanted fellowship, which the church is supposed to be, but he wasn't receiving it. I don't exactly know what he was looking for, but he said he was looking for people to give things back to him, as he was giving out. He asked if we had anything to give him, I think in the sense of anything of worth, encouragement might have helped, but I still think he was striving to grasp for more of whatever we could give. I think there are many people out there struggling to grasp for anything, and in a way pushing a way a lot of things that would nourish their thirsty souls. If you are reading this, please add Bruce to your prayer list, it is a lonely world where he is, and is in need of encouragement and also a better roof over his head. He told us he was homeless for a while, and the place he is staying now isn't that great.
Homelessness was a big thing we saw there. I have seen homeless people before, but this trip I was much more aware of the people around me, and I saw pain and frustration, but I was blessed to see a smiling face on the last day we were in Boston. This man was sitting by the T station at Boston Universities bookstore. He had a sign that said God Bless You next to his can and a Bible. I gave him some money, and he smiled. I hadn't seen a homeless person smile like that. There was hope in his eyes, and he wasn't impatient or seemingly distraught as I think we perceive the homeless to be. His easiness almost made me want to sit and talk with him for a while, to see what was in his heart. As I reflect on this now, I feel so much emotion that I hadn't felt at that moment when I saw him and gave him a few bucks. I am mad that my heart did not burn with heartache for this man, of whom Jesus said to care for because when we do, we are caring for Him. Those few dollars were not enough. But, nonetheless, this man's smile made it seems as if it were a great sum. Pray for him, pray that he finds shelter and money, but also that he continues strong in his faith. God will reward him much for the little that he had and gives. Pray for the others out there as well, sitting on church stairs, building corners, park benches, and T stations. There were many street performers that we saw as well, and most of them were quite talented. Pray that they come to know Christ and can use such a talent to bring glory to God.
Pray for the Charles River Church. They are starting their first service this Easter and have been plowing ahead to get everything ready. We were able to go out into the target communities and talk about the church and we were able to reach out to the community at the same time. We passed out flyer cards about the church with granola bars and Via coffees. My favorite part, and probably the most rewarding was giving out the beach balls to the little children. We went to playgrounds and parks around the area and talked with moms and kids. They were delighted to have the balls, and the parents were very open. I was nervous at first to do it, I had never done anything like this. This whole experience has grown me so much to come boldly to the world and show Christ to people, even in the smallest of gestures as a smile or a beach ball. Boston is a rough area, people aren't used to freely caring for others, or giving others a kind glance and smile. When we gave out beach balls, the kids would ask if they were to keep. Parents and adults would ask if there was a catch, or just give us weird looks, then relax and smile. People are desiring a change there, they just don't know what yet. Pray that people will consider questioning what it might be, remember this church, and go there. Not just on Easter, but after that as well. Pray that their hearts are soft and their eyes are opened to the Word of God, the hope in Christ, and the beauty of true fellowship with Christians. God is going to do amazing things at this church, and in the lives of those on staff. So much prayer and vision has gone into this, and they have been blessed in huge and small ways. Please, put them on your prayer list and constantly be praying for strength and the boldness to shine a light amidst the darkness in New England. They have already begun being that light, and it was such a blessing to be a small part of their planning and putting it together. If you would like to know other ways you can help, let me know! This place is raw for awakening, it just has to be set on fire and that can only be done by people who allow God to use them there, and go with pure boldness.
My plan is after these next 7 weeks of school and graduation, that I can live there myself. I have always loved it there, but I was increasingly falling in love with Boston as the week went on. There is so much I have to get done right away, but it is propelling me with an excited heart to action to get it done. Pray that I can get all the applications in for jobs this week and that I can find out soon for a job after I do it. I have possible roommates, I just need a way of paying for an apartment. I would greatly appreciate it.
"Preach abroad. It is the cooping yourselves up in rooms that has dampened the work of God, which never was and never will be carried out to any purpose without going into the highways and hedges and compelling men and women to come in."- Jonathan Edwards (New England preacher in the First Awakening)
I had the most compelling trip I have ever been on this past Spring Break in Boston. I love the city so much, not just because of its architecture, history, and beauty. Not because of it's athletic achievement, or its cinematic accomplishments (I love seeing the City Hall that is in the Departed, or the store that had furniture and items from various films). Not because of it's academia of prestigious proportions, although the fact that Boston has most of the top schools all in one area and that is incredibly amazing). But, because it is in need of being loved on in more ways than what it is producing.
The pastor of the Charles River Church that we were helping out, Josh, said it best that Boston was a graveyard of what they call church planting in Boston. Boston is considered now by statistical standards to be an unreached people group. It is hard to be a Christian there, much less to plant churches there that will grow and thrive in a spiritually hostile area such as Boston. Knowledge gained out weighs true wisdom, and the battle is constantly raging all the time, and is increasing in its mortality on both fronts. We had this intriguing discussion with a man outside of Harvard University (Outside of The Coop). His name was Bruce, he was probably about 60 years-old or so, and he has been doing sidewalk "evangelism" since October there right outside of the university. I put evangelism in quotes, mainly because he was not evangelizing as how we have come accustomed to it here at Liberty. He was not forceful in trying to get people to engage in conversation with him. He had signs that said 'Take my Bible quiz and learn to think for yourself. Beware of Men- Jesus." He told us he would talk to whoever was intrigued enough to talk to him, sometimes for five minutes or for five hours. He talked to Jews, Atheists, Christians (of all theologies), and just wanted to pick the brains of people. He felt that God was preparing him for years in his studies for this. He didn't go to school, but had studied for so long that he was quite knowledgeable of the Bible and theology. He gave two options for the quiz: from the Tanak or the New Covenant. We were given a sample of his quiz, increasingly getting more difficult as we went on. People would come up an listen, or leave (one guy was mad and started to shout things, which I am sure Bruce is used to).
But, as we stayed there, we learned of Bruce's dissatisfaction with the church. He was struggling with finding a church that fit, mainly because he felt they weren't preaching on studying the Word or whatever else he felt they needed to be preaching. We saw his frustration with pastors and the church as a whole. It was sad because we could tell he wanted fellowship, which the church is supposed to be, but he wasn't receiving it. I don't exactly know what he was looking for, but he said he was looking for people to give things back to him, as he was giving out. He asked if we had anything to give him, I think in the sense of anything of worth, encouragement might have helped, but I still think he was striving to grasp for more of whatever we could give. I think there are many people out there struggling to grasp for anything, and in a way pushing a way a lot of things that would nourish their thirsty souls. If you are reading this, please add Bruce to your prayer list, it is a lonely world where he is, and is in need of encouragement and also a better roof over his head. He told us he was homeless for a while, and the place he is staying now isn't that great.
Homelessness was a big thing we saw there. I have seen homeless people before, but this trip I was much more aware of the people around me, and I saw pain and frustration, but I was blessed to see a smiling face on the last day we were in Boston. This man was sitting by the T station at Boston Universities bookstore. He had a sign that said God Bless You next to his can and a Bible. I gave him some money, and he smiled. I hadn't seen a homeless person smile like that. There was hope in his eyes, and he wasn't impatient or seemingly distraught as I think we perceive the homeless to be. His easiness almost made me want to sit and talk with him for a while, to see what was in his heart. As I reflect on this now, I feel so much emotion that I hadn't felt at that moment when I saw him and gave him a few bucks. I am mad that my heart did not burn with heartache for this man, of whom Jesus said to care for because when we do, we are caring for Him. Those few dollars were not enough. But, nonetheless, this man's smile made it seems as if it were a great sum. Pray for him, pray that he finds shelter and money, but also that he continues strong in his faith. God will reward him much for the little that he had and gives. Pray for the others out there as well, sitting on church stairs, building corners, park benches, and T stations. There were many street performers that we saw as well, and most of them were quite talented. Pray that they come to know Christ and can use such a talent to bring glory to God.
Pray for the Charles River Church. They are starting their first service this Easter and have been plowing ahead to get everything ready. We were able to go out into the target communities and talk about the church and we were able to reach out to the community at the same time. We passed out flyer cards about the church with granola bars and Via coffees. My favorite part, and probably the most rewarding was giving out the beach balls to the little children. We went to playgrounds and parks around the area and talked with moms and kids. They were delighted to have the balls, and the parents were very open. I was nervous at first to do it, I had never done anything like this. This whole experience has grown me so much to come boldly to the world and show Christ to people, even in the smallest of gestures as a smile or a beach ball. Boston is a rough area, people aren't used to freely caring for others, or giving others a kind glance and smile. When we gave out beach balls, the kids would ask if they were to keep. Parents and adults would ask if there was a catch, or just give us weird looks, then relax and smile. People are desiring a change there, they just don't know what yet. Pray that people will consider questioning what it might be, remember this church, and go there. Not just on Easter, but after that as well. Pray that their hearts are soft and their eyes are opened to the Word of God, the hope in Christ, and the beauty of true fellowship with Christians. God is going to do amazing things at this church, and in the lives of those on staff. So much prayer and vision has gone into this, and they have been blessed in huge and small ways. Please, put them on your prayer list and constantly be praying for strength and the boldness to shine a light amidst the darkness in New England. They have already begun being that light, and it was such a blessing to be a small part of their planning and putting it together. If you would like to know other ways you can help, let me know! This place is raw for awakening, it just has to be set on fire and that can only be done by people who allow God to use them there, and go with pure boldness.
My plan is after these next 7 weeks of school and graduation, that I can live there myself. I have always loved it there, but I was increasingly falling in love with Boston as the week went on. There is so much I have to get done right away, but it is propelling me with an excited heart to action to get it done. Pray that I can get all the applications in for jobs this week and that I can find out soon for a job after I do it. I have possible roommates, I just need a way of paying for an apartment. I would greatly appreciate it.
"Preach abroad. It is the cooping yourselves up in rooms that has dampened the work of God, which never was and never will be carried out to any purpose without going into the highways and hedges and compelling men and women to come in."- Jonathan Edwards (New England preacher in the First Awakening)
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Joy of Singleness
It is amazing how much God can transform hearts to find splendor in the most mundane and annoying of things...such as Valentine's day. Yesterday was a very good day, and the fact that I was single didn't affect how I felt. This was new for me. Granted, like any normal human being, I do wish for marriage and that relationship. It has been a new thing for me to fight my flesh and be content in this time given by God to use my singleness for a purpose. And that is what it is, a time of purpose for the Kingdom of God. I kept thinking about 1 Corinthians 7, the infamous passages about Paul's view of singleness. He viewed it as a blessing. It wasn't just a few from an ordinary man though. Paul's outlook and mindset was complete run by the Spirit, so all that was written was God-breathed, just as much as the commands given for holy living and spiritual courage that are all throughout his letters. Paul's encouragement of positively using our singleness for the glory of God was no mistake or option. I love this about that passage as well. He makes it clear that our singleness is, in a sense, just as important or blessed as marriage is.
Our culture hates this idea. It makes us feel useless and unloved when the world around us is full of couples, betrothed (to use biblical speech), and married couples. It is especially hard here on campus when every other convo speaker talks about relationships and marriage or your friends get engaged in droves. It is almost inevitable to not get slightly frustrated and sad about our current position in life...if we don't look at it the way Paul explains. It is why it is there. I feel like sometimes we think God doesn't realize what it does to us emotionally, or that maybe He has overlooked us somehow. If that were the case, he wouldn't have such encouragement or a provision for it. That passage is our provision for this stage in our life, and for many this stage isn't just a phase but a lifestyle. If someone lives a life of singleness, then they should be praised and encouraged for the fact that their minds and hearts get to be souly focused on the Lord and the people He wants them to reach. The demand on their life has more freedom attached, as Paul says, to do this. What a gift such people have, and God will bless them for their obedience.
For the rest of us, we must wait and keep our eyes on Christ. If we don't we will dwell in our singleness as if it is a prison instead of what it should be considered. We cannot let culture and pressure be the way we measure our success or our current joy. As easy as it can be, it is spiritually draining and deadly. In Philippians 2:14 it talks about doing nothing with complaining and grumbling. In the spectrum of singleness, this is a great way to start living in a practical way toward succesful singleness, or rather passionate singleness. We can live our single time in full passion for Christ and for others, just as much as if we did it in a partnership with a husband (or wife). We are given a community of believers for this reason. We aren't truly alone in our discipleship and ministry.
Read 1 Corinthians 7 in your Bible. I don't put a lot of these verses in here because I want you to discover these things on your own, in your own translation, so it makes you take some effort. This is a principle that takes more than just reading a passage, but applying it and praying for strength and consistency in doing so. Enjoy the discovery and the process! Be blessed!
Our culture hates this idea. It makes us feel useless and unloved when the world around us is full of couples, betrothed (to use biblical speech), and married couples. It is especially hard here on campus when every other convo speaker talks about relationships and marriage or your friends get engaged in droves. It is almost inevitable to not get slightly frustrated and sad about our current position in life...if we don't look at it the way Paul explains. It is why it is there. I feel like sometimes we think God doesn't realize what it does to us emotionally, or that maybe He has overlooked us somehow. If that were the case, he wouldn't have such encouragement or a provision for it. That passage is our provision for this stage in our life, and for many this stage isn't just a phase but a lifestyle. If someone lives a life of singleness, then they should be praised and encouraged for the fact that their minds and hearts get to be souly focused on the Lord and the people He wants them to reach. The demand on their life has more freedom attached, as Paul says, to do this. What a gift such people have, and God will bless them for their obedience.
For the rest of us, we must wait and keep our eyes on Christ. If we don't we will dwell in our singleness as if it is a prison instead of what it should be considered. We cannot let culture and pressure be the way we measure our success or our current joy. As easy as it can be, it is spiritually draining and deadly. In Philippians 2:14 it talks about doing nothing with complaining and grumbling. In the spectrum of singleness, this is a great way to start living in a practical way toward succesful singleness, or rather passionate singleness. We can live our single time in full passion for Christ and for others, just as much as if we did it in a partnership with a husband (or wife). We are given a community of believers for this reason. We aren't truly alone in our discipleship and ministry.
Read 1 Corinthians 7 in your Bible. I don't put a lot of these verses in here because I want you to discover these things on your own, in your own translation, so it makes you take some effort. This is a principle that takes more than just reading a passage, but applying it and praying for strength and consistency in doing so. Enjoy the discovery and the process! Be blessed!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Radiant Beauty of Redemption and Restoration
"...to give them beauty for ashes,..." Isaiah 61:3
I love this whole chapter in Isaiah, but verse 3 is so poignant and moving to any person's soul if they have been claimed by Christ and given their mess of a life over to Him. This past week, for reasons that were out of my control, things were brought up in classes that called for me to reflect on my past. Despite the fact that some days I wish I could forget it all and start a fresh, it doesn't erase it's happening. 19 years do not just wash away in our mind, even though by the grace of God it's residue has been cleared and I am made pure once again. Even though I know this, the pain of more than just physical loss breaks me sometimes. Especially when I have to remember the moments where I could have chosen a better path than I did, only basing my decision to act on selfishness, greed, and ignorance. I need His grace and mercy more then (if it were possible to gain it more) as I do any time.
In my CHMN 403 class we had to look at articles pertaining to teenage girls. Oh, what a dreadful time that was! God blesses me so much with this new frame of mind, I barely remember anything before college. Only bits and pieces of the obvious things that marked my life. But while we were discussing them, I couldn't even speak. I felt my heart hurt as the women in the class told their stories of conquering the great divide between culture and Christ, something I had no clear knowledge of until it was too late and looking into the eternal realm of things had to be done. I was encouraged that these women were strong and I was so proud of them, but I felt so different from the crowd. All of them grew up in these Christian homes where their parents poured into their lives the knowledge of Christ and were examples of it to their children. Their dads were loving men who would make sure they knew their purpose and worth all their lives, and proving to be their greatest human ally in this dark and wicked world. This world I pray so hard for my children to gain and will help to maintain if given the chance...was not my life. Finding out the worlds mysteries and wicked tricks was my own job. I had a standard to uphold of good grades, great athletic ability, and going to college was all there was to it. Be the best, be surrounded by the best, and get the furthest. It seemed so normal though I look back and see a sick outline of depraved creativity that made no way to uniqueness. But, that is New England for you...and in essence, it took leaving Connecticut to appreciate any of it.
Sometimes I have cried out to God wondering why I couldn't have the princess life. Where my dad was king and he protected his daughter with all his might. Where my true talents and gifts were not masked by the need to live up to the parental standards and life of my older brother and every other kid in my town. Where I knew deeply and truly that I was loved by more than anything this world could give me and that my satisfaction was in a God who communes with His chosen, instead of the idea of a distant God. Why me?
The only answer is: So my life would bring Him glory. My life has been no better or worse than anyone elses. My path to Christ was just more unique and pertinant to me than it would have been to anyone else. There are things I have learned about God that others won't understand about Him because my circumstances have allowed secrets of His holiness to be souly precious to me. The feeling of freedom that I have is different from anyone else because it was specially designed for me. His attention to me and my needs breathe new life to me that isn't given to anyone else but me, as all this is the same for every other chosen child. It is incredible what God can do with ashes.
I came out of class yesterday hurt and angry at my own mistakes and the actions of others (i.e. my family). I sulked back to my dorm in a rather fast paced rage with Skillet's "Hero" blaring in my ears (I am from the north and listened to Linkin Park for years when I was frustrated...welcome to the Christian version of that). My heart was pounding and bursting and I almost started to cry. This isn't the first time my memory was jogging and stirred up all kinds of dust from the past, but this time I couldn't share my end of it in class. It split open a more personal wound that I had never addressed before. Yet, when I sat down in my comfy black chair/nap area and let my thoughts collect in proper order, I felt peace. That wasn't me anymore. He didn't have to remove it twice from me, my past was but a memory and a set up lessons I learned from. It wasn't a part of me as it was suppliment to the new life He gave. He has forgiven me for my mistakes, failures, and many pains I gave Him. He restored what was lost by giving me more abundantly ever since. He has continued to sanctify me, molding me to the perfect form He wishes. No memory from my past can override what God has restored and redeemed. The discipline of remembering this and reflecting on that alone is something I (as many others) need to implement into our lives. His power is greater than our mind and the wickedness that tries to rip that gift from our hands. Praise God for His brilliant transforming power and His continued gift of sanctification.
Read the whole chapter of Isaiah 61. Don't just read it as words on a screen or in your own version on the Bible, but as God speaking to you. He is telling you of what He has done and what He wants to do with you and for you. He wants to make your life a glorious victory for Him and His kingdom. What a privilege!
I love this whole chapter in Isaiah, but verse 3 is so poignant and moving to any person's soul if they have been claimed by Christ and given their mess of a life over to Him. This past week, for reasons that were out of my control, things were brought up in classes that called for me to reflect on my past. Despite the fact that some days I wish I could forget it all and start a fresh, it doesn't erase it's happening. 19 years do not just wash away in our mind, even though by the grace of God it's residue has been cleared and I am made pure once again. Even though I know this, the pain of more than just physical loss breaks me sometimes. Especially when I have to remember the moments where I could have chosen a better path than I did, only basing my decision to act on selfishness, greed, and ignorance. I need His grace and mercy more then (if it were possible to gain it more) as I do any time.
In my CHMN 403 class we had to look at articles pertaining to teenage girls. Oh, what a dreadful time that was! God blesses me so much with this new frame of mind, I barely remember anything before college. Only bits and pieces of the obvious things that marked my life. But while we were discussing them, I couldn't even speak. I felt my heart hurt as the women in the class told their stories of conquering the great divide between culture and Christ, something I had no clear knowledge of until it was too late and looking into the eternal realm of things had to be done. I was encouraged that these women were strong and I was so proud of them, but I felt so different from the crowd. All of them grew up in these Christian homes where their parents poured into their lives the knowledge of Christ and were examples of it to their children. Their dads were loving men who would make sure they knew their purpose and worth all their lives, and proving to be their greatest human ally in this dark and wicked world. This world I pray so hard for my children to gain and will help to maintain if given the chance...was not my life. Finding out the worlds mysteries and wicked tricks was my own job. I had a standard to uphold of good grades, great athletic ability, and going to college was all there was to it. Be the best, be surrounded by the best, and get the furthest. It seemed so normal though I look back and see a sick outline of depraved creativity that made no way to uniqueness. But, that is New England for you...and in essence, it took leaving Connecticut to appreciate any of it.
Sometimes I have cried out to God wondering why I couldn't have the princess life. Where my dad was king and he protected his daughter with all his might. Where my true talents and gifts were not masked by the need to live up to the parental standards and life of my older brother and every other kid in my town. Where I knew deeply and truly that I was loved by more than anything this world could give me and that my satisfaction was in a God who communes with His chosen, instead of the idea of a distant God. Why me?
The only answer is: So my life would bring Him glory. My life has been no better or worse than anyone elses. My path to Christ was just more unique and pertinant to me than it would have been to anyone else. There are things I have learned about God that others won't understand about Him because my circumstances have allowed secrets of His holiness to be souly precious to me. The feeling of freedom that I have is different from anyone else because it was specially designed for me. His attention to me and my needs breathe new life to me that isn't given to anyone else but me, as all this is the same for every other chosen child. It is incredible what God can do with ashes.
I came out of class yesterday hurt and angry at my own mistakes and the actions of others (i.e. my family). I sulked back to my dorm in a rather fast paced rage with Skillet's "Hero" blaring in my ears (I am from the north and listened to Linkin Park for years when I was frustrated...welcome to the Christian version of that). My heart was pounding and bursting and I almost started to cry. This isn't the first time my memory was jogging and stirred up all kinds of dust from the past, but this time I couldn't share my end of it in class. It split open a more personal wound that I had never addressed before. Yet, when I sat down in my comfy black chair/nap area and let my thoughts collect in proper order, I felt peace. That wasn't me anymore. He didn't have to remove it twice from me, my past was but a memory and a set up lessons I learned from. It wasn't a part of me as it was suppliment to the new life He gave. He has forgiven me for my mistakes, failures, and many pains I gave Him. He restored what was lost by giving me more abundantly ever since. He has continued to sanctify me, molding me to the perfect form He wishes. No memory from my past can override what God has restored and redeemed. The discipline of remembering this and reflecting on that alone is something I (as many others) need to implement into our lives. His power is greater than our mind and the wickedness that tries to rip that gift from our hands. Praise God for His brilliant transforming power and His continued gift of sanctification.
Read the whole chapter of Isaiah 61. Don't just read it as words on a screen or in your own version on the Bible, but as God speaking to you. He is telling you of what He has done and what He wants to do with you and for you. He wants to make your life a glorious victory for Him and His kingdom. What a privilege!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Boston Bound?
This has been a whirlwind week. I had such an exciting day last Wednesday in my CHMN 403 class (Professional Orientation for Women in Ministry) and it had stuck with me ever since. We are doing a major project in that class which consists of us ladies creating a research project full of information on people we want to minister to. We can choose age group and countries, pretty much anything in the realm of reaching women, and all throughout the explanation process, I could hardly contain the thoughts swirling in my mind. It was quite interesting for all the ideas to be coming out the way they were, because I had been fighting so much against anything near when I was beginning to write down. My thoughts automatically went to "New England" and "College/working age 18-30." The part I was fighting most was the New England part.
After I became a Christian and went down to school here in Virginia, I was all about the south. I fought my northern ways, refusing to associate myself with it, leaning more to my mothers southern upbringing. But slowly over the past few years, God has broken my heart for my roots. Although I don't feel right now exactly called to Connecticut, my heart has been moving upwards to Boston. There are so many colleges in one area, and it is the most beautiful and amazing city I have ever been too. So much history, knowledge, and creativity has come out of that city. I love going there, and try as often as I can to do so. During my last visit with my parents, I remember driving around the city wondering if there were any churches around. I don't ever get to stay long enough to see the city in it's prime, so I am sure there are. I also know there are people wanting to plant churches in the city, which gives me hope. I remember driving around, thinking about what it would be like to live there, meeting women and talking with them. I don't even know if that means that it is where I am supposed to be, I just felt like I pictured myself there.
Lately I have been praying for God to give me direction and discernment on this. I want to have the right motives and a clear idea so that I am being obedient, not selfish and wanting something for my own. There are so many reasons to why I could be just thinking up all of this, but at the same time there is seemingly much more out there as to why I feel lead this way.
My project ideas started out as New England as a whole. Mountains and country though, I have found aren't especially kind to me in terms of actually living somewhere. I don't think I could ever live in a place like Maine or New Hampshire, although I seriously love those places, I just don't feel lead there. I continued to be looking over the ideas I had, and I began trying to think of "titles" or main focuses for my ministry...and Boston kept coming up a lot. I even thought about Rhode Island where Bryan is, but in my mind I keep seeing the corner of Boston where Northeastern, Harvard, Boston University, and others are. What an amazing place that area is, seeing the students and all their individuality. Northeastern itself is an amazing art school, and walking near there once I just loved it.
I honestly, right now, feel very confused and unsure. My heart says yes, my mind says yes, but is God saying yes? I am need to prayer to figure this out, and also just so I can do well on this project. I am taking it so seriously, and I want to. It is so exciting to me. I bought a notebook specifically for ideas, and I prayed over my lecturetext and the notebook. I think it is exciting that I am taking it this semester, my last semester before I graduate. I feel like the culmination of my education and degree will be completed with this major project. It is truely exciting. I don't even want to get into what happened the next day, it was quite interesting and that is for another time because I am still trying to pray about that.
There is so much more on my mind concerning this, but I am at work and I can't seem to figure out how to put this all in order: my "feelings," events that have happened since that class, this mounting excitement towards it all...so there is much that I have failed to write. I hope I can formulate a better post for you who are reading...so it makes a bit more sense and it doesn't seem like it is all in my mind.
Just know that I am praying for this, and I need prayer as well. When I talk about all of this, I seem to get so excited and my heart seems to go nuts. I am not one for taking emotions and signs to mean much of anything, so I am trying so hard to decipher properly. Pray for wisdom!
Thanks!
After I became a Christian and went down to school here in Virginia, I was all about the south. I fought my northern ways, refusing to associate myself with it, leaning more to my mothers southern upbringing. But slowly over the past few years, God has broken my heart for my roots. Although I don't feel right now exactly called to Connecticut, my heart has been moving upwards to Boston. There are so many colleges in one area, and it is the most beautiful and amazing city I have ever been too. So much history, knowledge, and creativity has come out of that city. I love going there, and try as often as I can to do so. During my last visit with my parents, I remember driving around the city wondering if there were any churches around. I don't ever get to stay long enough to see the city in it's prime, so I am sure there are. I also know there are people wanting to plant churches in the city, which gives me hope. I remember driving around, thinking about what it would be like to live there, meeting women and talking with them. I don't even know if that means that it is where I am supposed to be, I just felt like I pictured myself there.
Lately I have been praying for God to give me direction and discernment on this. I want to have the right motives and a clear idea so that I am being obedient, not selfish and wanting something for my own. There are so many reasons to why I could be just thinking up all of this, but at the same time there is seemingly much more out there as to why I feel lead this way.
My project ideas started out as New England as a whole. Mountains and country though, I have found aren't especially kind to me in terms of actually living somewhere. I don't think I could ever live in a place like Maine or New Hampshire, although I seriously love those places, I just don't feel lead there. I continued to be looking over the ideas I had, and I began trying to think of "titles" or main focuses for my ministry...and Boston kept coming up a lot. I even thought about Rhode Island where Bryan is, but in my mind I keep seeing the corner of Boston where Northeastern, Harvard, Boston University, and others are. What an amazing place that area is, seeing the students and all their individuality. Northeastern itself is an amazing art school, and walking near there once I just loved it.
I honestly, right now, feel very confused and unsure. My heart says yes, my mind says yes, but is God saying yes? I am need to prayer to figure this out, and also just so I can do well on this project. I am taking it so seriously, and I want to. It is so exciting to me. I bought a notebook specifically for ideas, and I prayed over my lecturetext and the notebook. I think it is exciting that I am taking it this semester, my last semester before I graduate. I feel like the culmination of my education and degree will be completed with this major project. It is truely exciting. I don't even want to get into what happened the next day, it was quite interesting and that is for another time because I am still trying to pray about that.
There is so much more on my mind concerning this, but I am at work and I can't seem to figure out how to put this all in order: my "feelings," events that have happened since that class, this mounting excitement towards it all...so there is much that I have failed to write. I hope I can formulate a better post for you who are reading...so it makes a bit more sense and it doesn't seem like it is all in my mind.
Just know that I am praying for this, and I need prayer as well. When I talk about all of this, I seem to get so excited and my heart seems to go nuts. I am not one for taking emotions and signs to mean much of anything, so I am trying so hard to decipher properly. Pray for wisdom!
Thanks!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Teenage Girl Bullying
I recently read an article about a 15-year-old girl in Massachusetts (originally from Ireland, so she had what I could imagine a beautiful accent) who had committed suicide. They are saying it was because of excessive bullying through face to face confrontations, text messages, and facebook messages. She was continually harassed. She left behind three sisters and a brother. The thing that really struck me is what her parents said. The article author states, "The family moved to Western Massachusetts last year, in part, 'so that Pheobe could experience America,' they wrote in the death notice stated" (Kathy McCabe, Globe Newspaper Company). The most frustrating thing about that is that she came with hopes and expectations of experiencing what America has to offer...and all she got was horrible relationships with people who weren't accepting of her. Is this what America's newest and brightest are becoming in this world? Teenagers are acting as if this is normal and that downgrading people is the way it should be. Are you kidding me? I don't mean to get angry, but it is mind-boggling to me. My problem is how did it get this way?
It is interesting that not much has changed since I was in high school except the method. High school was horrible for me, but people never harassed me like that. Yeah, I wasn't the most liked of people, there were groups and tiers and I generally fit none of them. I can look back and find that a rather accomplishing feat, but my outlook has changed since then. And if I can think back to what middle school was like, I can remember it being worse than high school was. Being a teenager is the most excrutiating time of our lives, whether we don't fit in or we strive so hard, practically torturing ourselves for some useless position. That position which comes to a halt once you graduate from high school. It amazes me to look back on that and think of all the striving it took to go absolutely nowhere and how our own strivings affected those around us. It some sick game that culture uses and manipulates. Although culture is inevitable and sometimes can be used for benefits (very rarely), it almost seems like a greater evil than we'd like to admit. We don't like to call something evil because it seems to be going overboard...but in light of situations like this, is it really too much? It just doesn't seem that complicated.
I wish I knew the preventative measures to take for this. How do you stop such a beast? It is going to have to take God's hand working in the hearts of so many students and the necessary courage of many to step out and take a stance against this. I pray someday that churches will build up student ministries where God is given the freedom to move in the hearts of students, giving them unparalleled courage to stand up to this, to be different, to be caring and loving even in the face of bullying. It can be done, are we willing? And parents need to be more aware of their students actions (I am sure they play a big part in why students justify doing it), and these situations at school. Parents have the blessed ability to be able to either help or hinder the welfare of their children, whether they believe it or not.
Not to mention, this is occured in New England, in Massachusetts. These are "my people," this is the culture I am so keenly accustomed to. I can see where and why it happened, but it doesn't mean that it acceptable. New England has its own breed of people, and they are in such a great need of love and care that they have not seen before. We seem to have forgotten these people just because they are in the United States, but on any map that shows the evangelical influence, we see that the Northeast as a whole is the largest area of the least reached. It is reached by other things, that is for sure, but the influence of Christ is barely seen. He's there, for sure, but He is waiting for people to be courageous enough to reach such a people...I am so thankful people listened to Him or I would not be able to sit here and write this.
This is probably the most scattered and random of all my blogs, but this has been burning in my heart since I read this article. Opinions expressed are welcome.
Also, please pray for New England. I have a hard time being at home, but it is really an incredible place, and the people are in such need of Jesus and the hope He gives. The more I understand this, the more my heart aches for it. I was in the shoes of a lot of girls that are there now, once.
It is interesting that not much has changed since I was in high school except the method. High school was horrible for me, but people never harassed me like that. Yeah, I wasn't the most liked of people, there were groups and tiers and I generally fit none of them. I can look back and find that a rather accomplishing feat, but my outlook has changed since then. And if I can think back to what middle school was like, I can remember it being worse than high school was. Being a teenager is the most excrutiating time of our lives, whether we don't fit in or we strive so hard, practically torturing ourselves for some useless position. That position which comes to a halt once you graduate from high school. It amazes me to look back on that and think of all the striving it took to go absolutely nowhere and how our own strivings affected those around us. It some sick game that culture uses and manipulates. Although culture is inevitable and sometimes can be used for benefits (very rarely), it almost seems like a greater evil than we'd like to admit. We don't like to call something evil because it seems to be going overboard...but in light of situations like this, is it really too much? It just doesn't seem that complicated.
I wish I knew the preventative measures to take for this. How do you stop such a beast? It is going to have to take God's hand working in the hearts of so many students and the necessary courage of many to step out and take a stance against this. I pray someday that churches will build up student ministries where God is given the freedom to move in the hearts of students, giving them unparalleled courage to stand up to this, to be different, to be caring and loving even in the face of bullying. It can be done, are we willing? And parents need to be more aware of their students actions (I am sure they play a big part in why students justify doing it), and these situations at school. Parents have the blessed ability to be able to either help or hinder the welfare of their children, whether they believe it or not.
Not to mention, this is occured in New England, in Massachusetts. These are "my people," this is the culture I am so keenly accustomed to. I can see where and why it happened, but it doesn't mean that it acceptable. New England has its own breed of people, and they are in such a great need of love and care that they have not seen before. We seem to have forgotten these people just because they are in the United States, but on any map that shows the evangelical influence, we see that the Northeast as a whole is the largest area of the least reached. It is reached by other things, that is for sure, but the influence of Christ is barely seen. He's there, for sure, but He is waiting for people to be courageous enough to reach such a people...I am so thankful people listened to Him or I would not be able to sit here and write this.
This is probably the most scattered and random of all my blogs, but this has been burning in my heart since I read this article. Opinions expressed are welcome.
Also, please pray for New England. I have a hard time being at home, but it is really an incredible place, and the people are in such need of Jesus and the hope He gives. The more I understand this, the more my heart aches for it. I was in the shoes of a lot of girls that are there now, once.
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